Yorkshire is what happens to you when you aren’t born posh. There is no known cure for it.
Since being shat out here, numerous escape attempts have been hindered. These failures however have given me opportunity to spend time with the natives and properly study their habits.
The tribes of Yorkshire are considered one of the last uncontacted peoples on Earth, and their way of life remains largely untouched by modern civilization.
Their hostility toward outsiders is well-documented, with incidents of violence against those who approach the county, including fishermen, missionaries, and others who have ventured too close.
The British government have established an exclusion zone around Yorkshire to prevent the tribes within from contracting disease to which they have no natural immunity and to respect their desire for isolation.
Little is known about the indigenous peoples of Yorkshire. They are believed to live as hunter-gatherers, relying on fishing and hunting wild shopping trolleys from lakes and streams. They live in harmony with the environment and only shoplift what nature can be replenish.
They speak a native tongue, in muted ticks and moans, made up mostly of elongated vowels. A language that so far only Harvey Price can understand.
Their traditions are passed down through generations, woven into the fabric of their daily existence. Shamanic glue sniffing rituals forge deep communal bonds and acts of faith healing are performed during the solstice featuring human sacrifice to ensure a good harvest of Yorkshire puddings.
The species have few natural predators save for the perennial grooming gangs, they show no fear albeit for the wrath of their one true god; the Yorkshire Air Ambulance to whom would gladly sacrifice their only child.
Life here is tough and fraught with peril. I may not survive another winter here and may never leave but should I die in my pursuit of escape hopefully this video will be an invaluable contribution to science.
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